A Lot Can Happen in Three Years
Yoganization: The steady process of change through yoga, from taking that first (or second) yoga class, to turning into a yogi, into a yoga teacher, into a yogic life.
It took me 25 years after my first yoga class, to take a second one. Apparently, I wasn’t ready for it yet. I did not fully understand what to make of that initial yoga experience and wasn’t ready to create space in my life for more.
A little over 3 years ago, something changed. My intensive running practice and renovating 4 houses on top of work and family life, took its toll. It left me inflexible and rigid. Not only physically, but also mentally. To be honest, I wasn’t so nice to be around anymore, was short tempered, quickly irritated, and lacking energy. I hardly recognized myself and was out of sync with others… with life even.
Longing to reconnect with that feeling of flow, I signed up for a basic introduction yoga class in September 2018. In my profile I wrote “flexibility” as my main motivation. In my mind I was only talking about my body, in my heart about much more. My second yoga class ever, immediately moved me and brought about a breakthrough. It was like the sun breaking through the clouds in my head. Afterwards I walked home with a smile on my face and people noticed. The taste in my mouth changed. I drank a cup of tea that evening, instead of wine. Lying in bed I noticed my breathing and easily fell asleep that evening.
A few weeks and a handful of yoga classes later, I found a teacher that helped me reconnect with my body and, perhaps more surprisingly to me then, to my inner self. She inspired me so much that it did not take long for the desire to arise to share this experience with others. I also wanted to inspire and move people. To let them experience what I had experienced in such a short time. Because yoga not only made my body more flexible, but everything seemed to flow more smoothly. I could concentrate better, think more clearly, and had more energy. Sometimes I even could let go of the things, that did not serve me. And it was radiating outwards as I became friendlier to myself and others. I wanted more of it to share with everyone.
Nine months later, on my first yoga teacher training weekend, I was curious, excited and a bit intimidated by my “more experienced” yogi classmates. They all seemed familiar with Sanskrit terms like Asana, Pranayama, and Chakra, while I had absolutely no idea what it all meant. Luckily, I had given myself the challenge of “acceptance without judgment” and was embracing my beginner’s mind. My fellow classmates, true yogis as they were, also welcomed me with an open mind and heart. It felt like a warm yoga blanket, that I could use to gently melt my rigid body and mind. It’s been far from a straight line to enlightenment since then… Let’s just say it is a work in progress. With two steps forward, one step back.
I have this internal conflict. On the one hand I love being in front of a group and slip into that teacher’s role quite naturally. My former colleagues even nicknamed me “the professor”, as it seems I had an answer to all the question they might have. Jokingly, I’d sometimes pull out my phone after a question and say: “Sorry I have to answer this one, it’s Google”. On the other hand. I have a hard time not-knowing. The fear of failure creeps in and leads to utter silence: no more questions, no more answers. It leaves me afraid to speak first, to say something stupid, about what others might think. Rather than acknowledging that I don’t know, I shut down. It explains my quiet appearance at times. I don’t want to fail. I want to do it all perfectly. Don’t want to show my weakness, my ignorance.
In the yogic process, I’ve gotten to know myself a bit better every day. And with time I could deal with things happening around me a little better. I learned to handle situations with less judgement, to create conscious breathing spaces, to be more in the moment, to choose my responses, and let go of insecurities. The role of yoga and meditation on this journey has been paramount. The effects of yoga on my body slowly seeped through to my mind… and finally permeated my whole life. And look at me now: I am the co-owner of Yoga Moves. From that second yoga class for more flexibility, to a way of life. A lot can happen in only three years.
I’d like to invite you to follow your heart’s intent and do more of what makes you happy.
Maurice | Co-owner Yoga Moves
